Gratitude Friday 08 2 24 Sunrises

“The extra years that had been returned to me were too terrifying to be beautiful

and too precious to be ordinary.” ― Sebastian Junger, In My Time of Dying

Reading a second Sebastian Junger book after reading one on walking across Pennsylvania called Freedom a few weeks ago. The book is In My Time of Dying, and he considers a number of near-death events in his life and the impact they have had on him. It opens with a time in his 30s when he was surfing a section of beach he had surfed over many summers. He went back one winter in a wet suit and failed to consider how winter waves were more powerful than the same ones he had navigated many times before. This lesson nearly cost him his life. He underestimated the forces, which tumbled him around under water like flotsam. He was losing consciousness when the sea released him, he popped to the surface and crawled on shore. Looking up into a deep blue winter sky that he saw with new eyes as the realization of how precious a sight it was in that moment.

We all face death in many ways over the course of a life. We are all a near misstep in the pass of bus away from our end. I have had a few of those close calls and a few in early life as the path of my addiction unfolded. My stumble ashore in gratitude moment occurred when I considered not using and trying the path of recovery as pain and death were things I could see in my pathway forward. A realization that unfolded one difficult morning in stark clarity. It was my first day in recovery. I saw the skies with fresh eyes. I try hard to keep those eyes fresh as it is in my best interest for continued recovery to do so.

Those moments of clarity come to me most often in the early morning when most normal people are still slumbering. I feel peaceful. The realization that every moment is precious and unique. A gift to experience. In the bustle of life and some of what seem like meaningless tasks, I can forget how special it all is. The time for me when I often feel it is in the very early morning hours. The time of day when all is tranquil and not much is moving.

These hours of the day have long been my refuge. In what seems like another time and place, my first job in life was to deliver newspapers. I had a morning paper route, delivering my childhood neighborhood the news of the realm before the crack of dawn from age 11 and for the next 7 years. News I would fold and toss papers to land on the doormats as the sky changed color and the darkness lifted. It was the era of my life when I saw the most sunrises, in a time of life I did not fully appreciate how precious each one was.

Those early recovery months were a time when my sleep was disturbed. Often, when I could not sleep, I would walk to a local diner and have breakfast as the day started. Each day I healed a little more. Hope and life’s purpose became a little clearer as the sun cast its first rays on the sleepy town I grew up in. Each day feeling the preciousness of life that addiction had sucked out of me. It was then and remains now those moments, when the first rays begin to flicker on the horizon that the gift is clear to me. A day delivered to me through to recovery in a way that addiction surely robbed me of as it took hold and nearly meant my early end.

The notion of one day at a time may seem trite to some readers. A worn out saying without meaning beyond a slogan. It should not be trite or devoid of meaning for anyone reading this far today. This is all we really have. We may or may not get tomorrow. That sunrise as average and mundane as we may think, our very last one. If we knew it was our last. If we knew anything was the final one, even those stand in line life moments, would we not realize how precious it is? Truth be told, I often also forget this. Yet, it is still true.

No one of us knows the future. If today you missed the sunrise, try and catch the sunset. Stop and listen to the birds or the rustle of leaves through the trees. Even if or perhaps particularly if you are going through a rough patch. This thing called life is hard, painful and beautiful and it is also a unique gift. Let’s try and make the most of it.

This morning, I am going to take in a sunrise and if it is my cards also the sunset. I am going to pet our dogs, hug my wife and realize that I need to be grateful for the day no matter how challenging it may seem. Today is a gift I am going to try and make the most of and I am grateful for the opportunity to do so.

What are you grateful for today?