Gratitude Friday 12 13 24 Home

“What is home? My favorite definition is "a safe place," a place where one is free from attack, a place where one experiences secure relationships and affirmation. It's a place where people share and understand each other. Its relationships are nurturing. The people in it do not need to be perfect; instead, they need to be honest, loving, supportive, recognizing a common humanity that makes all of us vulnerable.” ― Gladys Hunt

The Humble Abode as decorated by the artist in residence with artifacts from our lives.

In recovery, home has always been place to feel grounded and it is really important to me. I know a lot of people who have moved around in life a great deal more than I have. Even growing up, I was fortunate enough to have one place to call home. In my formative years, all memories are connected to one address in West Bethlehem PA, one that our family had for over three decades. A place I can recall the moon landings and birthdays from my 5th to my 21st.  The first address to memorize as I walked to school in 1970 so I could ask for help if I got lost, an event I can still recall. A house I have lived in for 22 years, the second longest time I have spent in a place called home over the course of my life this far.

Anyone who knows me knows I travel around a lot. I think nothing of driving 70 miles to sit by a river or ride a bike through a particularly special place in the deep woods. I also travel a fair amount in my work providing training, technical assistance or participating in meetings and conferences. More than most people I tend to be in motion more than at rest. In this respect, a place called home and having a stable, long term landing spot is really important to me. I love to move around, I hate to move.

Our current home has been the place that Julie and I have been for 26 years, the place we have called our own for the longest time in both of our lives. It is an amazing abode. Over a hundred years old, it has seen the end of WWI, the roaring 20s, the Great Depression, WWII, the post war era through to our current times. A neighbor once has a picture of our street before it was paved with horse drawn carriages. Ownership has felt a whole lot like stewardship. We have both cared about the home and honoring its history including how we have renovated it over the years. One of the things I learned about the home from a local historian was that groups of traveling builders constructed the houses and each one has touches that are individual to the crafters. It is something readily apparent. This is not a cookie cutter house slapped up quickly. TLC went into it, and it remains a solid structure as it was intended over 100 years ago.

In the ledger of time, some owners leave a place worse than they find it, others leave it better than when they first walked across that threshold. There is no question we would be in the latter category and not the former. Roof, HVAC, electrical systems and renovations that preserve its history rather than replace them and of course the big ticket items like a new oil tank one Christmas (Ho Ho) as the one we had was rusting out.

The evidence supports what we would expect to find – having stable housing improves your mental and physical health. In our current times, we have a housing shortage in America. This means that the costs of housing has skyrocketed in some communities, including the one I live in. When we bought our house ages ago, the mortgage was a lot for us, but not beyond our means, we made a conscious decision not to be house poor. We did not buy a house in a market at the edge of our means. It was the right choice for us. It is also true that the average costs of a home is around one third of their income. While there is a lot I do not recall from school, one thing I do recall is that they used to teach us that the figure to shoot for is one quarter of earnings. It is sobering that in America, low-income workers cannot afford even the most modest one-bedroom apartment. If we want a stable society, affordable housing is a key to that goal.

As we move into year 27 in this home and consider where we are in the arc of life if we will stay in this home, it raises a lot of questions about our next chapter. No decisions have been made, nothing beyond casual conversation about the next chapter, but I find myself relishing the way that the light comes through the leaded glass windows and the sounds of the house as night settles its frame. A place with dogs from day one. It is hard to even imagine not being here.

At this time of the year, we have lights on the mantle and a tree in the corner by the window. We honor the traditions of winter as we have here 25 prior times. Will we stay in this house over the long term? I don’t know. But what I do know is that few things have been as permanent for us as this place, from that moment we signed the papers and walked through the vestibule, and we were the new kids on the block, it has been ours. Our place to always return to. Our sanctuary. A thing that it is hard to even imagine not having. A place for gatherings, celebrations and just being us

As a person in recovery, I do reflect on how fortunate I am to have a place of permanence. A space of security and stability is not something that could have been in my cards. I am grateful that it has been so. I am grateful that in my life I have known true homes.

What are you grateful for today?