Gratitude Friday 6 6 25 Always Bet on Yourself

This post is titled what a colleague said to me when I was going through a rough patch over a decade ago. The advice came with a meaningful gesture of support to let me know he was also betting on me as well. There were some significant challenges I was experiencing as I attempted to navigate the program though some heavy seas. It had nothing to do with me other than I was at the helm in that moment. The words of wisdom and encouragement did not take much effort on his part but made a world of difference to me in that moment.

It has me thinking about two things, one is how my willingness to take constructive risks to move forward has changed considerably over the course of my life and the second is how we can positively impact each others lives, and sometimes it really does not take much effort on our part to do so.  

The truth is I have not always bet on myself even with small wagers of effort. As a young person, I talked myself into not trying very much at all because I had convinced myself of inevitable failure – so why even bother? The plan was to coast downhill for as long as possible. I was so afraid of failure that I failed to try. In respect to recovery from addiction, in the last days of using when I was evaluating what I had wrought, that I had not even bothered to try very often at all when opportunity for growth was right in front of me was a key motivator for recovery.

And now, with some age and experience, the fear of failure rings quite differently. I have failed many times and often learned more through it than I ever did when a goal was achieved easily. Achieving something rarely occurs without a few face plants in the concrete, but I have also learned that if I keep trying I eventually gain either the thing I was working towards or some other outcome that helped me even more than what would have been yielded by a simple straightforward process. The truth is, if you keep moving forward it all works out. If it has not worked out yet, it is not the end, keep going! The only way to really fail is to fail to try or to give up once a door slams in your face.

The second facet here is how we can support each other in ways that help each other to move forward. That advice given by a colleague to always bet on myself was delivered briefly but with sincerity and my sense was the person who was with me in that moment. It was not a trite, off hand platitude of support. He really believed in me and that I could overcome the challenge in that moment when I had a great deal of doubt that it was possible. For readers, have you had experiences like that in your life?  I hope so. In this instance, I was able to go back at a later date and express my gratitude for what he had done for me.

I try and pay it forward when I have encountered people struggling. To offer sincere support, positive regard and a belief in a person in a difficult moment can make all the difference in the world. I wonder how often as we are busy rushing about the minutia of our own lives that we miss opportunities to hold each other up. I believe that seeking ways to meaningfully support each other can make a huge difference not only at the individual level but within whole communities. If you live in a place where the people around you believe in you and want to find ways to support you in your goals it matters to everyone in that space. We all deserve as much!

My sense is that we more often live and work in environments in which people tear others down as a method to build themselves up. It is a zero sum game of grabbing what you can and stepping on those around you as you seek your own goals. And then one waits for the knife in their own back. What a terrible world we have created. We can of course change it for the better, even in small way and in our own circles as this person did for me, we can do that for each other. I think if we did so it would matter a great deal in respect to our shared, future trajectory.

I am grateful for such moments in my life when people have invested their time and effort in me to help me face difficult challenges. I also hope to pay that investment forward as many times as I can moving forward. What are you grateful for today?