Gratitude Friday 9 19 25 Aequinoctium Autumnale

“To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life.” - Robert Louis Stevenson

Monday is the big day! The day when the tilt of the earth is at a point at which day and night are roughly equal. The first day of Fall is the first day of the work week. The moment of equinox is at 2:19 P.M. EDT in the Northern Hemisphere. The equinox occurs at the same moment worldwide. Summer has just about passed us; Autum is upon us. It is my favorite season of the year. It something that has made my gratitude Friday missive each of the five years I have written it. I wrote about the Autumnal Turn in 2023, and a variation that theme each of the five years I have done this weekly gratitude post. Once more dear friends once more….

For some reason, seasonal transitions resonate with me. Life is like a series of rooms we walk through, and while we do not ever get to go back in the one we came from, the changing seasons offer an opportunity to spend time in one similar to those we have journeyed through in earlier eras. We just passed through Summer 2025. There will never be another one again. Highlights for me included some day trips with Julie, swimming, time with friends and family, paying off our house, getting a new pup for our pack and reaching my 50-gallon blood donation goal. It was also a time in which I started to reflect more seriously about what to do with the twenty or thirty years that may be left on my dance card, even as I am aware today could always be the last one punch of the card. I still see a lot of potential to contribute to the world and opportunities for adventure, if the time is mine to do so.

As I have written about many times, Fall is a favorite time of year for me. It is a time of preparing for the winter, of observing the shifts in nature and of savoring the scents and sights of the changing world. I guess there is also something about the Fall that reminds me of the finite nature of life. We all end, yet my sense of the finality of all things has changed over the years. I am living in a way that is consistent with what I want from myself, and I do not mean this in a materialistic way but in respect to values. There was a time in my life in which I looked in the mirror and saw a waste of potential, that has changed. Across the seasons from that moment to now it is one of the things I have changed. Hard change that requires effort, which I have also learned is the very best kind. On the abacus of life, I think I have had the opportunity to contribute more than I have harmed. It is the only measure that really means anything to me. I have seen and experienced more of the world than I thought I would and have had a lot of memories to cherish and none I need to run away from. In this respect, as I enter into the Fall of life, I do so with a sense of fulfillment rather than despair.

Not to be misinterpreted, I hope to have many years ahead, but by and large I have few regrets. That is in no small part a result of my recovery and how I live today. My story is anything but unique even as it is uniquely mine. As I have often said at recovery events, the most remarkable thing about my life trajectory in recovery is that it is unremarkable in the recovery community. I also understand that there are challenges ahead, ones that have no form that I can see from this vantage point, but what I do know is that each and every such challenge in life has been met and led me to unanticipated bounty. That is the true beauty of life.

I also know that there is a little less spring to my flat-footed step than the same feet had at age 20. Things hurt that I was not even aware of in those early years. I shall never be an Olympiad; this is a truth with finality. My young years will never be replicated in the time I have left. I hope I have the grace in aging that some of the people I have most respected in my life have modeled for me. I can’t know for sure that this is the case, but I do think that being ok with who and what I am now and what I have done with my time is a good set up for making the most of what I have left.

I imagine that some may see a contemplative post like this as a downer. It is not the place I am writing it from. One of those things learned and constantly relearned along my journey is that whole one day at a time thing that may sound trite to readers. For me or any us today may be it. Yesterday is a done deal. Anything we do today that is consistent with our better selves is really all we have control over. Pragmatically, I do not have 60 years ahead of me, so even if I am the lottery winner of life, there are fewer days ahead than behind. All of us, and especially you and I have the option of facing truths like this in our lives of ignoring them. I just do not think pretending something is not occurring has ever paid off for me, so face it I shall. It is the autumn of the year in the autumn of my life. May both be long and offer a lot of experiences to cherish. Those possibilities I am grateful for.

What are you grateful for today?