Gratitude Friday 11/29/24 – The Untold Story from Days Before Me

This is a mostly a redo of a post from three years ago. I am pulling it out this gratitude Friday as it is one of my favorites.  

Thirty years ago, On the darkest day of the calendar year, I lost my mom. She died at the age of 56. In reflection decades later from this vantage point of years of life so incredibly young. I was 29 at the time, also a full lifetime ago for me. She never got to see us kids grow up or be with us as we reached adulthood. She never met most of her grandchildren. Many nevers now cemented for eternity. The grief of the loss has tempered with time, but it is still an anniversary I end up reflecting on her life and so many conversations I would have liked to have with her as an adult.

One of the fun conversations I would have wanted to have with her involved a story from her own teen years. A story I had never fully heard until a few years ago when a family member shared the full tale from long ago with me. It was probably a few years before this picture was taken in 1958. In the photo, she was twenty. She was just a pup. We probably had a lot more in common in respect to our young years than we ever got to talk about. This would have been one of those stories where perhaps we would laugh and talk about how young and dumb we all were at one point in our lives.

When I was young, I got in some trouble. Basic kid on drugs stuff. No capital crimes here but also some fairly serious stuff I was lucky to survive, most I never got caught doing. More than a few times when I did get caught, I can clearly recall my mother making vague statements like “I was young once too, and if only you knew the kind of trouble, I got in.” She never once elaborated on what she meant, and I certainly do recall inquiring of her to expand on the details. No doubt because she knew that it would be something I would have latched on to and remind her of at key moments. I had no idea at the time what she was talking about. But I remember wondering what it was. What she could had she done that she thought she could not share, and would top the folly of my youth? While I was curious, I also thought that she was probably embellishing her past for my benefit. I was wrong.

A few years back, someone who knew of the story told me about the time my mom was involved as a passenger in the unauthorized use of a fighter jet and was briefly accused of espionage. Mic Drop. This must be the “if only you knew story.” Every time I think of it, I laugh to myself. I recall here with fondness.

The story goes that well before she met my father, she was briefly dating a fighter pilot while in her late teens. One night, he brought her on to the military base, put her in a flight suit and snuck her on to a fighter jet to give her a view of Chicago at night for an unscheduled joyride. Not sure if she talked him into it or it was his bright idea, but off they went to see the windy city from the air at night. 

Of course, they got caught. Apparently, the United States Air Force frowns on such things. Because the cold war was in full swing, there were likely a lot of concerns at the time about espionage and what the Russians were doing and how they were trying to steal our military secrets. The USAF scrambled a few jets to escort them back to the base and face the music. As the facts came out, espionage charges went away as I am sure it was clear other motivations were in play. I can only speculate what happened to that pilot or if either of them thought it had been worth it. I would give almost anything to have had that conversation with her as an adult.

What I would have given to ask her about it or how her father, my grandfather reacted when he got the call about his daughter. I can only imagine. I can actually see in my mind’s eye my grandfather’s face turning red and him curing like the Irishman he was. Had I known the story before he passed and we also had a chance to discuss, I also have no doubt he would have shared a hearty laugh over the whole thing too, but he died when I was a teen.

Mom, you were quite wise to never tell us kids this story. Had I known of it, there is not a shred of doubt that I would have pulled it out at a key moment to throw back at you. Of course, I would have said, “mom, it is not half as bad as flying in a military jet without authorization off a miliary base and facing an espionage charge.” In hindsight this may have backfired and led to additional loss of privileges for an extended period of time. It would have still come out of my mouth, in part because the apple does not fall far from the tree and in part to the lack of executive functioning that comes with a not fully developed brain in youth.

How we might have laughed about this if you had lived longer. What might have been was not to be in the end, but I am grateful for what you did for me as you could. No instructions came with me and could have possibly prepared you for what unfolded after I arrived on the scene. For the record, had the tables been turned, I would have gone for the ride in the jet too, mom. I hope you are smiling right now, and yes mom, at least I never got on a military jet flown without authorization and accused of espionage.   

Grateful I can look back in time and laugh. What are you grateful for today?